Lesson 62: Bowls

While it is fun to wear your bowl upside down on your head, the resulting penut butter-in-hair effect is not so adorable.

Lesson 61: Mission Impossible

Never stop a toddler "on a mission." You never know what he's up to, but this mode sure does keep him busy! And he just might be trying to put away all of his blocks for a full fifteen minutes.

Lesson 60: Snuggeling

Notice to Toddlers Everywhere: When you don't feel good, and Mama doesn't feel good, you don't have to try to be sneaky about crawling up in her lap to snuggle all day. She'd be happy to anytime.

Lesson 59: Ornaments

Ornaments are not balls. Ornaments are not "bawls." Ornaments are not "bawl pees." Ornaments are not "bawl pees!" Ornaments are not "bawl pees!" before Christmas. Ornaments are not "bawl pees! after Christmas.

Ornaments break when thrown like a ball.

Lesson 58: Phones

Toddler-ese is often hard to understand, even for a mom who spends all day with the toddler. So when you and he are frustrated because you can't figure out what he wants, try having him call Daddy on the phone. Something about it makes his words much clearer. And if nothing else, he'll be happy for a chance to hijack your phone!

Lesson 57: Grandpas

Everyone says Grandmothers are there to spoil their grandchildren. They forget that Grandpa can be just as easily smoozed out of that "bawl" at Walgreens.

Lesson 55: Prayer Part II

Prayer Part I

While Christmas shopping several days ago, the three of us stopped for lunch at a buffet. We had forgotten to pray before the meal and so I said that we would pray after. This satisfied all parties, and let us finish our chicken and potatoes. However, when we went to leave and get in the car Deci was suddenly a very upset toddler. We figured it was just the in and out of the car after a full day of shopping that was making him irritated, until two streets later we realized that his toddler-ese whine was an actual word. "Pay!" in Deci means pray, and we had definitely forgotten to pray. But not my little elephant brain! He insisted, and so pray we did at the next stoplight. Cute-stuff folded his little hands, bowed his head in his car seat, and even said "Amen!" when we were all done. Suddenly the car was a much more pleasant place to be.

So today's lesson from Deci: Don't forget to pray!

Lesson 54: Hives Are Scary

Oatmeal baths are a life saver; They make hives go away almost as well as benadryl.

Lesson 53: Markers

Markers. Don't eat them or you'll look funny.

Lesson 52: Ball Chutes

While sticking your favorite toys down your ball chute may sound like a good idea, not getting said toys back until Dad comes home to get them out is not so much fun. Especially when Dad is on a three day trip.

Lesson 51 From Baby: Names

Never tell people the name of your kid before they are born. If you decide to change it before birth, you know someone will have already monogrammed the first name on a special gift.

Lesson 50: Baby

Everyone will probbably think you're the cutest thing if you pat and kiss Mama's belly calling it "Baby," but Mama may not be so happy when you pull up her shirt to find Baby in public.

Lesson 49: Honesty

"Deci are you ready to sit on the potty?"

..."nope."

Lesson 48: Sickees

D.W. Read is not the only little kid who gets hyper when they have a temperature. Apparently being sick is very exciting.

Lesson 47: Being Adorable

Nothing is quite as cute as hearing your very sick toddler continually blowing raspberries over the phone as you are trying to talk to his father. The angel voiced "Bye!" at the end doesn't hurt either.

Lesson 46: Anger

Make up a word to say when you are angry or frustrated so that when you loose it, and your kid mimics you, he won't be saying any expletives: just make sure it's something he can repeat clearly. "Shoot" may not be the best word once translated into toddler-ese. Neither is "Gee-wiz."


Apologies for the lack of posting lately. It's not that LFD takes all that much time, but my computer is acting up, so it may be a few days before I have anymore lessons for you.

Lesson 45: Stinky Diapers

They tell you to wait until your child is aware of what they are doing in their diapers to potty train. So does following Mama around the house saying "Bleck!" count?

Lesson 44: Vocabulary

If all else fails pick a middle word like "Ma" or "Bob" or "Bawl." It is amusing to see Mama try to translate it to the actual word you want.

Deci: "BobBobBobBob?"
Mama: "You want to watch Veggie Tales?"
Deci: "Yesh! Mamamama?"
Mama: "Yes, Deci?"
Deci: "BobBobBobBobBob!"
Mama: "Ok Deci, just a min. it's coming up..."
Deci: "Ma? Ma? Ma? Ma?"
Mama: "Yes, Deci?"
Deci: "Ma?"
Mama: "It's coming."
Deci: "Ma?"
Mama: "Do you mean 'Dad?'"
Deci: "Yesh! Bob!"

Lesson 43: Getting Down

When you don't want to finish your meal, pile all uneaten food in a small group in the far corner of your tray. Then maybe Mama won't notice, or she'll think you ate more than you really did....

Lesson 42: Footie Pajamas

Getting a single cheerio all the way down and into the foot of your fully zippered footie pajamas is a feat only toddler's can achieve.

Lesson 41: Dusting

If your child climbs on dusty furniture don't fret, just change their pants. Now you have a clean child and well dusted house.

Lesson 40 From Deci and Cousins: Appreciate it All

Rilian: "Ohhhh wow"
Roran: "Ahhhh"
Deci: "Peeet" (Pretty)

Object of affection? Deci's face print on the window.

Lesson 39: To Do To Day

A Daily To Do List: 1. Dump out entire toy box
2. Throw ball against wall
3. Greet Dad as "Ma"
4. Double check that you are still louder than the vacuum by screeching the entire time it's on.
5. Laugh when Mama turns off said vacuum because you are louder than it.
6. Eat
7. Snack
8. Drink Milk
9. Eat
10. Sleep

Lesson 38: Parties

Under-the-table -fort-parties are not complete until someone is in tears from hitting their head.

Lesson 37: Diapers

When changing a toddler, unfold the diaper first, or when you pull it out from under said toddler the diaper might rip in half.

Lesson 36: Girlfriends

If someone asks you if you have a girlfriend, particularly if it's a complete stranger,  answer "Yes!" as loud and as clearly as you can.

Lesson 35: Penut Butter

The best way to eat peanut butter involves smearing it on everything you can find. Double check the chair, the table, the last three toys you held and Mama's pants for best effect. If those are covered, give Mama a big smooch and thank her for the peanut butter.

Lesson 34 From Deci and Cousins: Snack Time

If you can't beat em' join 'em. Especially during snack time.

Lesson 33 From Diego: Planting Seeds

Green iguanas can eat strawberries and "plant" their seeds. Oh, and they're afraid of foxes...who apparently live in the growing green forest.

Lesson 32: Reliablity

While a friend or a cousin may not always return a ball, the wall is not as stingy and will always bounce it back, sometimes harder than you expect.

Lesson 31: Apples

The instinct to take a huge bite out of a whole apple is also natural, but beware the "It's an apple not a ball" discussion.

Lesson 30: To Oreo or not to Oreo

The instinct to Oreo (aka pull cookies, crackers or  sandwiches apart and eat the insides first) is natural.

Lesson 29: Drumsticks

Trading your pacifier and favorite blanket for a pair of drumsticks is a great way to start your day.

Lesson 28: Picking Up

Once kids know they're "supposed" to pick up, if you start doing it they tend to join along. It's much easier than repeated "Put this away" attempts!

Lesson 27: Cheeky Food

Falling asleep with rice checks in your mouth is maybe not a good idea.

Lesson 26: Cheerios

Cheerios are much more fun if you slurp them off your tray like a little lizard.

Lesson 25: Volume

If you say it loud enough, someone will hear it.

Lesson 24: Ankle Braclets

The stackable donut rings Great-Grandma made you make for great ankle bracelets! Just make sure they come of afterwords.

Lesson 23 From Deci's Cousin: Kitties

The kitty with claws might be the nicest kitty in the house. But he still has claws.

Lesson 22: Artists

A paper and pencil are one of the most inexpensive ways to entertain your little artist.

Lesson 21: Prayer

Yesterday evening, while his dad and I were preparing dinner, we put Deci in his highchair with a biter biscuit to keep him busy. The two of us were busy talking and joking in the kitchen and when I looked out I saw Deci with his hands folded, and head bowed, mumbling something in his toddler gibberish. Then after a pause he held up his arms and said his version of "Amen!" My 18 month old toddler was praying, all on his own.

Today's Lesson: Everyone can pray.

Lesson 20: Cups

Just because it looks like your cup, does not mean it is your cup. Beware the contents.

Lesson 19: Board Books and Crumbs

Board books are not supposed to go through the washer. No matter how many cookie crumbs you get in them.

Lesson 18: Waking Up

Kids only sleep longer than usual on the days you had planned for them to get up at a certain time.

Lesson 17: Exercising

You are never too little to get into shape.

Lesson 16 From Deci and His Cousins: House Wrecking

The jump-jump-jump-fall on your butt game is a lot of fun. Even more so if you convince a cousin or two to join you. Then the whole house shakes.

Lesson 15: Hiding

When hiding from Mama, (who is seven months pregnant) hide under the table. She'll never get to you there.

Lesson 14: Shopping

Fabric shopping can be lots of fun, if you bring Mama and Daddy every spool of ribbon you can find...or if the yarn looks a lot like a ball... or if you can run faster than Mama up and down the isles.

Lesson 13: Terrible Twos

At some point the two year old switch has to be turned on. Sometimes it's early. Really early.

Lesson 12: Cell Phones

When Mama is demanding you give back her phone, tilt your head a little and pretend to talk into it in your little angel voice. Mama will have a hard time being demanding after that.

Lesson 11: Balloons

Don't lay on your favorite balloon. They tend to pop.

Lesson 10: Dad or Mom?

If one addresses their mother as "Mama" then Dad must be "Ma." It just makes sense.

Lesson 9: Sleep Walking

If Mama can get up out of bed, turn off the alarm clock, and fall back asleep like nothing happened; Deci can certainly get up, grab a pacifier out of his cousin's diaper bag, and fall asleep just the same.

Lesson 8: Carrots

You cannot stab (uncooked) carrots with a fork.

Lesson 7: Bribery

People can be bribery too. When Mama says "(insert favorite person of the day) is coming over tomorrow" it can really brighten up your day.

Lesson 6: Holiday Clothes

Take holiday pictures, before you do anything else. That special outfit is just not going to last.

Lesson 5: Attention

Balloons are a great and fun way to both show off and wear yourself out. Especially when it makes you the life of the party.

Lesson 3: Stress

Don't stress about the Hallo-luja Night, Mama, I'll feed you pretzels!

Lesson 4: Beach Balls

Don't roll your whole body over a big beach ball. Especially when you are on a concrete floor.

Lesson 2 From Deci and Cousins: Mail Time

You must do the twist when it's Mail Time.

Lesson 1: Welcome to Toddlerhood

Things are exciting and very repeatable, no matter how mundane if someone is cheering for you afterwords.