Lesson 62: Bowls

While it is fun to wear your bowl upside down on your head, the resulting penut butter-in-hair effect is not so adorable.

Lesson 61: Mission Impossible

Never stop a toddler "on a mission." You never know what he's up to, but this mode sure does keep him busy! And he just might be trying to put away all of his blocks for a full fifteen minutes.

Lesson 60: Snuggeling

Notice to Toddlers Everywhere: When you don't feel good, and Mama doesn't feel good, you don't have to try to be sneaky about crawling up in her lap to snuggle all day. She'd be happy to anytime.

Lesson 59: Ornaments

Ornaments are not balls. Ornaments are not "bawls." Ornaments are not "bawl pees." Ornaments are not "bawl pees!" Ornaments are not "bawl pees!" before Christmas. Ornaments are not "bawl pees! after Christmas.

Ornaments break when thrown like a ball.

Lesson 58: Phones

Toddler-ese is often hard to understand, even for a mom who spends all day with the toddler. So when you and he are frustrated because you can't figure out what he wants, try having him call Daddy on the phone. Something about it makes his words much clearer. And if nothing else, he'll be happy for a chance to hijack your phone!

Lesson 57: Grandpas

Everyone says Grandmothers are there to spoil their grandchildren. They forget that Grandpa can be just as easily smoozed out of that "bawl" at Walgreens.

Lesson 55: Prayer Part II

Prayer Part I

While Christmas shopping several days ago, the three of us stopped for lunch at a buffet. We had forgotten to pray before the meal and so I said that we would pray after. This satisfied all parties, and let us finish our chicken and potatoes. However, when we went to leave and get in the car Deci was suddenly a very upset toddler. We figured it was just the in and out of the car after a full day of shopping that was making him irritated, until two streets later we realized that his toddler-ese whine was an actual word. "Pay!" in Deci means pray, and we had definitely forgotten to pray. But not my little elephant brain! He insisted, and so pray we did at the next stoplight. Cute-stuff folded his little hands, bowed his head in his car seat, and even said "Amen!" when we were all done. Suddenly the car was a much more pleasant place to be.

So today's lesson from Deci: Don't forget to pray!

Lesson 54: Hives Are Scary

Oatmeal baths are a life saver; They make hives go away almost as well as benadryl.

Lesson 53: Markers

Markers. Don't eat them or you'll look funny.

Lesson 52: Ball Chutes

While sticking your favorite toys down your ball chute may sound like a good idea, not getting said toys back until Dad comes home to get them out is not so much fun. Especially when Dad is on a three day trip.

Lesson 51 From Baby: Names

Never tell people the name of your kid before they are born. If you decide to change it before birth, you know someone will have already monogrammed the first name on a special gift.

Lesson 50: Baby

Everyone will probbably think you're the cutest thing if you pat and kiss Mama's belly calling it "Baby," but Mama may not be so happy when you pull up her shirt to find Baby in public.

Lesson 49: Honesty

"Deci are you ready to sit on the potty?"

..."nope."

Lesson 48: Sickees

D.W. Read is not the only little kid who gets hyper when they have a temperature. Apparently being sick is very exciting.

Lesson 47: Being Adorable

Nothing is quite as cute as hearing your very sick toddler continually blowing raspberries over the phone as you are trying to talk to his father. The angel voiced "Bye!" at the end doesn't hurt either.

Lesson 46: Anger

Make up a word to say when you are angry or frustrated so that when you loose it, and your kid mimics you, he won't be saying any expletives: just make sure it's something he can repeat clearly. "Shoot" may not be the best word once translated into toddler-ese. Neither is "Gee-wiz."


Apologies for the lack of posting lately. It's not that LFD takes all that much time, but my computer is acting up, so it may be a few days before I have anymore lessons for you.

Lesson 45: Stinky Diapers

They tell you to wait until your child is aware of what they are doing in their diapers to potty train. So does following Mama around the house saying "Bleck!" count?

Lesson 44: Vocabulary

If all else fails pick a middle word like "Ma" or "Bob" or "Bawl." It is amusing to see Mama try to translate it to the actual word you want.

Deci: "BobBobBobBob?"
Mama: "You want to watch Veggie Tales?"
Deci: "Yesh! Mamamama?"
Mama: "Yes, Deci?"
Deci: "BobBobBobBobBob!"
Mama: "Ok Deci, just a min. it's coming up..."
Deci: "Ma? Ma? Ma? Ma?"
Mama: "Yes, Deci?"
Deci: "Ma?"
Mama: "It's coming."
Deci: "Ma?"
Mama: "Do you mean 'Dad?'"
Deci: "Yesh! Bob!"

Lesson 43: Getting Down

When you don't want to finish your meal, pile all uneaten food in a small group in the far corner of your tray. Then maybe Mama won't notice, or she'll think you ate more than you really did....

Lesson 42: Footie Pajamas

Getting a single cheerio all the way down and into the foot of your fully zippered footie pajamas is a feat only toddler's can achieve.

Lesson 41: Dusting

If your child climbs on dusty furniture don't fret, just change their pants. Now you have a clean child and well dusted house.

Lesson 40 From Deci and Cousins: Appreciate it All

Rilian: "Ohhhh wow"
Roran: "Ahhhh"
Deci: "Peeet" (Pretty)

Object of affection? Deci's face print on the window.

Lesson 39: To Do To Day

A Daily To Do List: 1. Dump out entire toy box
2. Throw ball against wall
3. Greet Dad as "Ma"
4. Double check that you are still louder than the vacuum by screeching the entire time it's on.
5. Laugh when Mama turns off said vacuum because you are louder than it.
6. Eat
7. Snack
8. Drink Milk
9. Eat
10. Sleep

Lesson 38: Parties

Under-the-table -fort-parties are not complete until someone is in tears from hitting their head.

Lesson 37: Diapers

When changing a toddler, unfold the diaper first, or when you pull it out from under said toddler the diaper might rip in half.