Lesson 93: Bowling

Body bowling is almost as fun as jumping into a pile of leaves.

Lesson 92: Deoderint

When your son is saying "ell, ell, ell!" he's not contemplating the wages of sin. Check that you put on deodorant today.

Lesson 91: Procrastinating...Again

If you are waaaaay behind on a certain household chore, invite over your nephews.

Mom's everywhere will disagree, but this actually, truly does work for me! I suffer from sever procrastination and so on a normal day when Deci goes down to sleep all I do is sit and relax watching TV or reading. But on Wednesdays we have two nephews over; which means I have four kids instead of my normal two. And these kids don't nap well in the same bedroom together, so in our tiny apartment one goes in each room, one in the living room and Elora in her swing in the kitchen. (If we have any more kids they'll be sleeping in the only room left, the bathroom!) But now I have to be extra careful not to wake them because of course that will wake the rest of them. So I can't watch TV, and the only couch in the apartment is taken up by a sleeper so reading won't work so well either. Which leaves me laundry and dishes. The banes of my existence. Suddenly all the clothes in our house are folded and the dishes are clean.

Lesson 90: Dishes

You know you need to do the dishes when:
A. Your son has no clean sippy cups
B. Your entire counter is full of the dirty ones.
C. Every time your husband comes in the kitchen door he sighs
D. All of the above

Lesson 89 From Rilian: Speech

Rilian, one of my nephews, is an adorable little boy. He has had a few speech delays but as of recently has made huge strides in speech. However it is still a challenge to understand him sometimes. His mom, my sister in-law, posted this yesterday.

Rilian: "mom, can I have apple (unintelligible finish to sentence.)"

Rilian's Mom: "You want an apple?"
Rilian:" No. Apple (unintelligible finish.)"
Rilian's Mom: "do you want applesauce?"
Rilian: "no. Yes. apple (unintelligible finish.)"
Rilian's Mom: "We don't have any applesauce. Can you show me what you want?"
Rilian: "No. Yes." runs away.

10 minutes later....

Rilian: "Apple (unintelligible finish)?
Rilian's Mom: "Apple sauce?... oh, apple STRAWS
Rilian: "YES!!!!!!!!"

Amanda's Original Post

Today's Lesson from Rilian: You could make a lot of money going into the kiddie translation business.

Lesson 88: Batteries

Batteries will last the longest if kept in the most annoying noisy toy you can find.

Lesson 87: Laundry

Don't leave your dryer door open.

Lesson 86 From Elora: Diaperbags

Your diaper bag should contain all the normal things: diapers, wipes, a change of clothes for the kid, snacks, medicines, sippy cups, and bibs.

But most importantly don't forget to pack a change of clothes for you. You know the one time you can't change will be the time your infant spits up after a meal and hits everything you are wearing.... all the way down to your socks.

Lesson 85: Playing Night Night

When pretending to sleep, don't choose a comfy service to be your bed. You might accidentally fall asleep.

Lesson 84: Greetings Part 2

So after I've finally learned my Lesson 83: Greetings Part 1, I figure I'll get smart and greet Rilian right away. As usual I have forgotten something essential though, so our entrances look more like this:

(MAMA enters with kids, removing coats)
AMANDA: Hi
(DECI runs in and immediately swipes something such as a sippy cup or toy)




MAMA: Hola! Hi Rilian!Hi Roran! So did you know that we are....(blah blah blah normal adult conversation continues)

RILIAN: Hi Nie Nie!
RILIAN: (in pleasant upbeat happy to see you voice) Hi Essie! Hi Essie! Hi Essie!
DECI: Hi


RILIAN: (in same voice) Hi Worwa! Hi Worwa! Hi Worwa!
MAMA: and then......blah blah blah.....blah blah blah....
RILIAN: (in same voice, but progressively getting louder) Hi Worwa! Hi Worwa! Hi Worwa!
AMANDA: Well for dinner I'm making.....yada yada yada... blah blah blah....
RILIAN: (louder) Hi Worwa! Hi Worwa! Hi Worwa!


MAMA AKA ELORA'S SPOKES VOICE: Hi Rilian.
(silence, RILIAN grins)

Today's Lesson from Rilian: Persistently greet everyone; be sure leave no man, woman, child, or baby out.

Lesson 83: Greetings Part 1

When I take Deci next door to my sister in-law's house, our entrance looks kind of like this:

(MAMA and DECI enter, removing coats)

AMANDA: Hi

(DECI runs in and immediately swipes something such as a sippy cup or toy)

MAMA: Hola! Hi guys! So did you know that we are....(blah blah blah normal adult conversation continues)

Meanwhile....

RILIAN: (in pleasant upbeat happy to see you voice) Hi Essie! Hi Essie! Hi Essie!

DECI: Hi

RILIAN: (in same voice) Hi Nie Nie! Hi Nie Nie! Hi Nie Nie!

MAMA: and then......blah blah blah.....blah blah blah....

RILIAN: (in same voice, but progressively getting louder) Hi Nie Nie! Hi Nie Nie! Hi Nie Nie!

AMANDA: Well for dinner I'm making.....yada yada yada... blah blah blah....

RILIAN: (louder) Hi Nie Nie! Hi Nie Nie! Hi Nie Nie!

MAMA: Hi Rilian.

(silence, RILIAN grins)



Today's Lesson fro Rilian: Be Persistent

Lesson 82: Groceries

Put your groceries away ASAP.

Lesson 81: Lucky

Occasionally you get lucky and your second child will sleep through your first and his harmonica.
Occasionally you get lucky and your second child will sleep through your first child and his blocks.
Occasionally you get lucky and your second child will sleep through your first child dancing and singing...

But not usually.

Lesson 80: Quiet Time

Books and blocks are good for when the baby is sleeping, but not so good once the toddler finds out he can stack and knock over them.

Lesson 79: How to Play Mommy

1. Find Mama's metal bracelet with the little charms and call it your "eeys"
2. Hijack Mama's bank card
3. Parade around the house with a dishrag "eening"
4. Say "No!" a lot

Lesson 78: Traveling

No matter how well you plan, and how many books you bring for a six hour car ride, you are still bound to have your young children crying at the same time. It's Murphy's Mommy Law.

Lesson 77: Baby Swings

When Mama gets a new swing for baby sister, Deci gets a new toy bin.

Lesson 76: Highchairs

Highchairs with wheels are great entertainments for little bodies who like to push them. But if you are a pillow on the floor and in the way: beware! And expect to get a good "talking too" in toddler-ese!

Lesson 75 From Deci and Cousins: Monkies Jumping on the Bed

A long silence and then giggling is not a good sign when you realize all three little boys have disappeared into one of their bedrooms.

Lesson 74: Rice

Rice will without fail attach to a toddlers behind when at someone else's house. That is, until they leave the table and track it all over your sister in-law's house.

Lesson 73: Kisses

Deci loves to show affection, especially kissing and hugging, so I decided to teach him how to be a gentleman and kiss the back of girls hands. (Plus as an added perk I can add that to his line of performing monkey tricks!) So I show him how to do it, kissing his hand and then he mimics me and kisses my hand several adorable times.

Then I get a great idea. I suggest he try it on his baby sister. So with lots of coaching and "be gentle, Deci"-ing he walks over to her. But instead of grasping her hand and kissing it, he puts the back of his own hand to her mouth and says "mmmwah!" as if she was kissing him.

So Today's Lesson from Deci: You can't choose the tricks your little monkey performs.