Lesson 109: Career Change

Someone could make a lot of money majoring in a new music genre: Kid Songs That Don't Make Mommy Batty.

Lesson 108: Television

When you realize that your pizza smattered kid, who hasn't had his hair combed since Sunday is watching a television show where all of the kids are big eyed, perfectly groomed cute things with matching moms who never have a hair out of place, just remember that if you or your child were on one of those shows, you would make sure you were both bathed and properly groomed too. And besides, she's not a real mom, she's dancing to the kid songs in heels.

Lesson 107: Cooking

Toddler wants to be held while you are trying to make dinner? Give him his own pot or pan and a spoon. The neighbors may not be to happy, but your husband will be when dinner is ready.

Lesson 106: Sign Language

Turning on the TV so your toddler will sit still to have his fingernails cut is a good idea. However, choosing the DVD teaching sing language is not such a good idea.

Lesson 105: Coughing

Beware changing diapers when your kid has a cough. Coughing usually induces other bodily functions.

Lesson 104: The Potty Dance

The Pull Ups Potty Dance is wearing after the fiftieth play, but you start tuning it out by the seventy fourth.

Lesson 103: Easter Clothes

Got some boys to sew/shop for for Easter? Can't find anything other than pastels? Try purple. Apparently it counts as a manly color on Easter.

Lesson 102: Profile Pictures

Posting a picture on facebook or myspace of just your kids for your profile picture, kinda defeats the purpose of a profile picture. So post one with your kids and yourself. It's crazy hard when they're little, but definetely worth it!

Lesson 101 From Deci's Cousin: Sleep

When you sleep, sleep hard. Hard enough to fall off the couch and not even notice.

Lesson 100: Conversation

If Mama can't understand you, tell it to your stuffed dog. He won't respond, but at least he'll look at you sympathetically and play you a happy up-beat song.


In celebration of our 100th Lesson, I've added a new page. It's called Translations, up there at the top of your screen. Go check it out!

Lesson 99: Fashion

Hairbands look good on almost anyone.

Lesson 98: Mooching

The most effective way to mooch is to be a commuting mooch. Ask Mama for a bite of her cake, then go find Dad and talk him into some of his ice cream. Promptly return to Mama for some more of her cake and continue. If you become professional at this, you may be able to even add whatever Aunt Anda and Grandpa are eating to your rotation to ensure that you get more dessert than anyone else.

Lesson 97: Technology

Humans are instinctively drawn towards technology and gadgets. Even toddlers will swipe a cell phone or try to type on Daddy's computer when given the chance.

Lesson 96: Boo Boos

Don't promise a red bandaid when you haven't yet opened it's wrapper. They can be very decieving.

Lesson 95: Owies

No matter how hard you try, your kids will still get hurt at some point. They're just that persistent.

Lesson 94: Pretending to Sleep

My mom teases me about how while some kids take a blanket or stuffed animal to bed, I took books. What she didn't know was that after she tucked me in and turned off the lights I spent many hours reading under the covers by flashlight.
Now I just tucked my son in with his favorite blanket and a bowling ball. What exactly is he doing after hours?

Today's Lesson: Everybody is unique.