Lesson 179: Yes, It Is Possible

Yes, it is possible to fall asleep sitting up.

Lesson 178: Educational TV

My favorite part of the day.

Lesson 177: Danger, Danger, Will Robison

If you have one cut and bruised foot and one bleeding and sore lip before 9 am, it's time to pull out the padded room.

Lesson 176: Bear Crawling

You are never too young, or too old to bear crawl. Next up? Crab walking!

Lesson 175: For the Music Lover

(From the September edition of Women's Day Magazine)
"Have kids make music play lists that they like. This is perfect for younger kids or those with a hazy sense of time - they'll know that song #3 means they should be dressed and down-stairs. This will help them learn to manage their own time."

Maybe I'll make it to Sunday School again one day...

Lesson 174 From Deci's Great-Grandmother: The Story of the Mush-Coon

I called my mother the other night and she related this story to me amidst many giggles.

My grandparents have been experiencing raccoon problems. It seems that because of a large number of raccoons in the area, some of them have taken to climbing the pole to the bird feeder that my grandfather has just off their back patio. They've tried everything from empty 2 liters on the pole to an air pellet gun to try to dissuade these creatures (and squirrels and other furry beings) from eating the bird food or the birds. It has gotten so bad that now my grandfather even brings in the food at night. Well, one night not too long ago my grandmother wakes up to hearing something scrambling around in the back and decides to get out of bed and send the raccoon away. After standing at the back door shooing him with no response she decides that instead of waking up my grandfather to figure out how the pellet gun works, that she'll find her own ammunition. However, after throwing a few wooden spoons and a potato masher at him the raccoon still doesn't wake up!

Eventually she gives up for the night and goes back to bed. The next morning they call maintenance because the raccoon is still up there. Thinking that maybe he got stuck, but still not wanting to get too close the maintenance guys bring a trash spike and a toilet plunger. Apparently the spike was to nudge him awake, and the plunger was for defense, to croquet him away if he decides to attack. As it turns out, neither were strictly necessary as the raccoon had died in the feeder. 

After telling this story to Deci (and I'm sure he didn't understand half of it) he has started babbling about the "mush-coon" I think this is just Deci-ese, but it sure is appropriate. What else would you call a raccoon you throw a potato masher at?

Lesson 173: Signing Time

If you have some educational videos for your children, make sure to watch through with them somewhere between once and sixty times. Then after watching Signing Time, you'll know that  "garr!" with frantic hand motions around the hair line means "panda" in little boy sign.

Lesson 172: Not Enough Sleep? I Don't Think So!

If you child gets up at 2 am. and sleeps for no more than 20 minutes until you finally give up and get up with him at 7 then you must have gotten too much sleep the rest of the week.

Lesson 171: Distraction

If everyone under the age of 5 in your house is whining, move to a house next to the train tracks. Every time a train goes by, the whiners forget what was wrong and go back to playing again.

Lesson 170: Paper

Paper is a fun and cheap thing to play with. Just don't eat it.

Lesson 169: Recording Devices

To put it in the words of one of my sisters (in-law):

I still think a recorder with several preset buttons is a good idea:

#1- Stop tormenting your brother/sister
#2- Sit down
#3- Leave your brother/sister alone
#4- Do you have to go potty?
#5- Don't hit
#6- Stay put
#7- Stop playing with your food
#8- No that's not yours; give it back
#9- Give it back NOW
#10- No I can't hold you right now
#11- Put it back where you got it
#12- What are you doing!?!?!
#13- Where did you get that?
#14- Good grief, son
#15- Tell brother/sister you are sorry
#16- Go to your dad! (I like # 16 which tag teams with)
#17- Leave mommy alone for 2 minutes
#18- Go sit on the couch, you are in time out
#19- No your time out is not done, sit back down
#20- Turn around, timeout does not involve watching team Umizoomi

#21- Ok already, you can have a cookie
#22- No, you may not have ANOTHER cookie after the two you've already had.

#23- You're ok. Put your feet down.

#24- He's not hurting you

#25- Stop kicking/shoving your brother/cousin. He's not in the way.

#26- Don't sit on him either

#27- Get off his head

#28- Yes, it's a train

#29- No, it's not your train.

#30- It's ______'s turn

#31- Go lay down

#32- Don't touch that

#33- Leave your diaper alone.

#34- Watch what you're doing/where you're going

(and the ever classic) #35 No!

Lesson 168: Five Minutes in Heaven

The first five minutes that your children spend actually playing and laughing together will be heaven. The next five minutes will be spent trying to explain to the older one why his seven month old sister isn't rolling the ball back to him.

Lesson 167: Proud Mamas Just Have to Brag

Deci's first self said prayer (aka not a repeat after me prayer):

"DearGodThankYouForMamaAmen!"

Lesson 166: It's Not Just Me

"Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them." ~James Baldwin

Lesson 165: A Darrell Rant

The other night, we're sitting at my brother and sister in-law's house and Deci and a cousin are sitting at a table not far away talking as only the two of them communicate; in half words and gibberish, completely understanding one another but leaving the rest of us confounded. Another young cousin walks up to his mom (my sister in-law Amanda) and tries to con her out of a cookie. She says "Not on your life Bucko." Then a few minutes later we hear something odd from the other children and Darrell says to his wife, "Now look what you did hon. They've combined 'Bucko' and 'Sucker' to become 'Bucker.' And that's just dangerous."

Tonight's Lesson: Stay away from 'Bucko's and 'Sucker's.

Lesson 164: PapaPapaPapaPapaPapa

If Papa has been gone for a long long time, and you are not all that clear on the 'why,' be certain to make up for the time lost by repeating his name at least sixty times every two minutes the first day he is back. He'll be so happy to see you that he won't even get annoyed!

Lesson 163: Truth

"It's true, I saw it with my own adorable eyes. Mumhum!"
Well said, Grover. Well said.

Anyone else have a Grover in thier house?

Lesson 162: Alternatives 2

When you have a swing set and your kids who are not quite big enough for that swing set have worn out your "my turn, push me now!"s invest in some $1 chalk.

Lesson 161: Alternatives

A good alternative to the traditional naked-kid-in-the-bathtub picture:

Lesson 160: ?????

Elora is sitting on the floor (a feat she is still learning) and Deci walks by and topples her over. I say, "Deci tell Elora you are sorry and give her a kiss!" (Because kissing boo boos makes them all better, of course) He walks over with a particular look on his face, kisses her foot and walks away mumbling something that was a "orry." Now what sort of lesson can you make out of that?

Lesson 159: Games

A  roll of packing tape and an unsharpened pencil make for a great indoor version of the old fashioned game of rolling a hula hoop with a stick. Just watch out for the drummers.

Lesson 158: When the Kids are Playing in the Backyard...

invest in an air pump.

Lesson 157: I'll Give You a Hint; The Answer is Always "C"

You know your child is feeling better when:
     A. His fever drops
     B. He is no longer puking all over the place
     C. He starts talking about basketball