Lesson 224: Multiplication

Two little boys have found the perfect fusion of their mommies and daddies. Earlier they were sword fighting with their cereal spoons and making a mess, so I gave them disposable straws instead. Now they are sitting peacefully on the couch reading and sword fighting. The best of both worlds I suppose.

Lesson 223: Addition

1 box+ 3 holes + 3 Cheerios + 2 boys fascinated with 'inside' and 'outside' = at least 15 minutes of entertainment.

Lesson 222: Mommy is...

Deci and his cousins have lately gotten into repeatedly asking "Where Mommy/Daddy go?" The answer is of course the same every day and every time they ask. So needless to say,the endless question was starting to drive me batty. Then I thought I'd be clever. I gathered all three of them together for a speech.

"Now Mommy/Aunt Yaya, Daddy/Uncle Darrell, and Uncle Devon/Daddy are all at work. So now listen carefully. Mommy/Aunt Yaya is at work. Every body say 'at work'"

"At wook"

"Ok and Daddy/Uncle Darrell is at work. Everybody say 'at work'"

"At wook"

"Very good, and Uncle Devon/Daddy is also at work. Everybody say 'at work'"

"At wook"

"Wonderful. Now where is Mommy?"

Roran: "In Car!"

Lesson 221: If and Only If

If you are a cute little girl. And if you are adorable and loved by everyone. And if you are the youngest and most innocent of the children so far. Then you can cry and screech just because and everyone in the room will come to your rescue and want to hold you and play with you and make you laugh. You can be the center of attention by just batting your eyelashes in the right way.

Lesson 220: Holiday Clothes Part 2

Holiday Clothes Part 1

When choosing a costume for that special Halloween-church-alternative-event remember that you are going to a church that has specific beliefs about Halloween. In fact they've gone so far as to have an alternative night for you to take your kids to, so maybe dressing them up as a ghoul or a devil is not such a brilliant idea.

Lesson 219: Plans for the Future

Don't tell them you are going outside until they actually need to know. Hearing "Outside?" "Outside now?" over and over could drive anyone batty.

Lesson 218: Tickers

Once upon a time I gave a minute donation to one of the many charities that sends out address labels and a dime "hoping that you will send it back with your generous donation." You know exactly what I'm talking about, the ones that probably spent more sending your address labels than they actually get in return donations. Anyways, ever since it has seemed like every charity on the face of the earth sends me address labels. Not that I'm complaining, they are a small luxury that I really enjoy. However, I have enough that my desk drawer is over flowing and I could never hope to use all of them.

My solution: "Tickers" The ugly ones and ones I'll never use have all been moved down to Deci's drawer. The one with all of the slightly dull pencils and kid friendly markers. Now if he wants to be extra creative with his pile of scratch paper he can pull out a sheet of stickers and attach them any way his little heart desires. And the best part? Entertainment for the little boy, completely free. Well free for me anyways.

Lesson 217: Get It Out Of There

As soon as baby is done with items like the bouncy seat and excersaucer take them into storage. Otherwise her big brother might start his own "re-purposing" blog.

Lesson 216: If You Can Think of Nothing

If all else fails sit right behind Mama and scream your lungs out. She'll either pay attention or trip over you.

Lesson 215: How Are We Doing?

"There can be no keener revelation of a society's soul than the way in which it treats its children."~ Nelson Mandela, former president of South Africa

Lesson 214: Rediculous

It is impossibly hard to get mad or do any sort of discipline while your little boy is wearing a fuzzy superman top-hat that bounces as he runs around the house.

Lesson 213: Finger Paint

If your baby insits on grabbing the spoon full of baby food every time you take it to her mouth, drop a little baby food on the tray and let her finger paint with it. Experts say that she is just interested in it's texture and feel and this is a great way to let her learn while keeping those speedy little fingers busy.

Lesson 212: Don't Amputate it Doc!

"Wahhhhhh!"

"What's wrong, Buddy?"

"Wahhhhh!"

"Did you hit your toes?"

"Yeeaah"

"Want me to kiss it and make it better?"

"Yeah" (wimper wimper)

"Think we'll have to cut them off?"

"Yeeeeaaaah.... let's go play."

Today's Lesson: Shrug it off. There are more important things to do.

Lesson 211: 1, 2, 3, 4

Deci just recently learned his numbers and often we hear this:

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5,7,8..."

But today Rilian added:

"No, no Deci! You forgot 9!"

Today's Lesson: Apparently 9 is much more important than 6.

Lesson 210: Duck, Duck,...

RILIAN: Duck, Duck, Gooose! (runs around the other two boys and sits) Your turn Rornin!

RORAN: Ahg Ahg Ahg Ahhhhh!(runs around and plops down where he was again)

(They both turn to Deci)

DECI: Ush shop Rornin. My urn! Yuck, Yuck, Yuck, Yuck... Nuh-nin!

Today's Lesson: Give you teachers (especially Uncle Dustin) credit for their work.

Lesson 209: Splat

The chances of your child dropping the uncooked egg, he just hijacked off the table, as he brings it back to you are much slimmer than if you chase after him to get it back yourself. Trust me.

Lesson 208: Gifts for His Children

"Next to eternal life, the most precious gift that our Father in Heaven can bestow upon man is his children." 

~David O McKay

Lesson 207: Dish iz

I realized one night while doing the dishes that it was way too quiet in the other room, so I set off in search of my two munchkins. Soon, I found them sitting in their room on the floor with Deci's blankets spread across their laps reading a book. Deci was being a great older brother and not only sharing, but telling Elora exactly what he thought the book said. It happened to be their kiddie Bible and I walked in just as he turned to the page of Adam and Eve in the Garden. They were of course following tradition and therefore naked but were modestly covered by a convenient branch here and a well placed bush there. However, this is not what made me have to leave the room. It was Deci confidently assuring Elora that "Dish iz Mama and Papa." that sent me giggling out of the room.

Today's Lesson: "Mama" and "Papa" are universal concepts that fit into every kids story, even the slightly awkward ones.

Lesson 206: Weird Things Deci Does Part 2

My kids have lately taken to playing together. Elora has a particularly infectious giggle, and Deci loves to make her happy. So their latest game is that she sits and he lays his head in her lap. Then she pulls on his hair and giggles  Apparently Deci has no nerves on the top of his head because they play this for 10 minute stretches.

Today's Lesson: A toddler has learned about hair, keep yours out of the way. Unless you are super dedicated to your little sister's happiness.

Lesson 205: Weird Things Deci Does Part 1

Deci standing at the bottom of the steps yells, " Mere Pitty! Mere!" and blows a raspberry.

Today's Lesson: Even kitties need kisses.

Lesson 204: Boxes Part 3

Want to join the box brigade?
Job Requirements:

• Own box that is big enough for you to sit in for the "boat" part of the parade
• Able to walk around the house and drag the box behind you, navigating such passageways past the plateau of coffee table and the hallway pass
• Willing to shriek at the top of your lungs so that at least three neighbors feel the need to ask if your boys are having fun today
• Posses a creative mind that understands kid-speak

Lesson 203: Boxes Part 2

Beware however when you have made the favorite box to play with just a tad bit too tall for your son to climb into when it's upright. Somehow he will manage to climb off the heater and get himself stuck with one leg in the box and one out. And then he'll call for you pitifully crying "Help Mommie! Help!" You might just die of the combination of cuteness and laughter.

Lesson 202: Boxes

You get a big box in the mail. Since your son has had so much fun playing with all the boxes left over from moving, you think of something nice to do for him. So you pull out an old CD and your box cutter and go to town on the box; cutting several small circular holes along the sides of it. You go as far as to plan to paint it yellow and maybe even add a few more boxes to make a submarine for him to crawl through. But then you let him play in just the box with the three holes that you've finished so far, and you discover that your two year old has no idea what a submarine is. However, he will spend quite a while making his little sister giggle happily by peeking through the holes and saying "peek-a-boo" over and over and over. It's a good day.

Life is simple, no need to make it complicated.

Lesson 201: Plan Your Strategy Carefully

It's almost lunch time and I ask the boys what they want to watch while I get the food ready. Deci instantly proclaims at the top of his lungs "Hi5!" with the matching hand in the air. Rilian just looks at me and Roran grunts. Rather sick of Hi5 I ask Rilian, "Rilian are you ok with Hi5?" He nods, and Deci is still yelling into my ear so I ask Roran, who almost always votes for Veggietales. "Roran, how about you? Hi5? or would you rather Sesame Street or Signing Time or Veggietales?" After thinking for a moment he replies by pinching his cheek in his hand.

In Roran-ese this means "kitty."

Apparently reinforcements were never adequately enlisted.

Lesson 200: You Can't Laugh

On discovering your kid covered in the cheesy popcorn he stole off the counter with the most gilty look he can manage you should clean him up and be stern with him. You must be the strong one and tell him that stealing food he knows he is not supposed to have is bad and that he shouldn't do it again.

You should not start laughing so hard you almost cry. That is not a good idea.

Lesson 199: No One Knows the Recipe for Awesomeness

Roran wandered into our bedroom and upon finding my elliptical machine, sits on one of the pedals. Discovering that it moves back in forth he emits a very wondering "Wooooooah!" Apparently moving back and forth very slowly is an amazing awesome feat. 

Today's Lesson: Sometimes you need a 'y' chromosome. Sometimes you need to be under 5. Sometimes both.

Lesson 198: Repeated History

RILIAN: Help, Nie Nie, Help!....
(a few seconds later)
RILIAN: You are fine, Rilian. You can do it.

Today's Lesson: Repeat yourself often enough and they might eventually, one day, just maybe, possibly, remember what you said.

Lesson 197: My Little Cheerio

Elora has not yet reached the point of what they call the "pincer grasp," where she uses her pointer finger and thumb to pick up small objects and usually place them in her mouth. So as of Sunday I had not yet started her on solid normal (as opposed to baby) food. However, not knowing this, her Aunt Chrys tried her on Cheerios during nursery last Sunday and has now created a Cheerio monster. Obviously Cheerios are far superior to baby cereal.

Today's Lesson: Apparently Cheerios are best when your personal Mama-servant feeds them to you grape style, so don't forget to bring your palm frond to fan her highness.

Lesson 196: Lucky Charms

If you give your kid Lucky Charms, he'll only eat the marshmallows. Every single time.

Lesson 195: Swiper's Opinion on All Things Shopping

My sister in-law's Facebook post yesterday:

So Monday I was in Meijer, thoroughly irritated that my cashier was moving slow as a herd of turtles out of a stagnant mudhole. Rilian was getting irritated that the college guy in line behind us kept pushing his cart up, thus entering Rilian's bubble. After several minutes of Rilian whining and College Guy's one last nudge in a vain attempt to try and make the line move faster, Rilian throws his hands out swiper style and loudly says "BACK OFF!!!!" Moral of the story? You never know when your child's speech therapy will have kicked in full throttle.

 And yes "slow as a herd of turtles out of a stagnant mudhole" is something she says often.

Lesson 194: Priceless

Hot Chocolate: $2

Big Children's Colors Board Book: $10

Couch: $200 

Three children sitting on that couch reading the book and teaching each other their colors while you sit in the background sipping your hot chocolate in a moment of self entertained peace: Priceless

Today's Lesson: Children are priceless, any peace of mind you get in the deal is just icing on the cake. 

Lesson 193: A Bill for Your Trouble

"Children keep you young, but first they make you old." ~ Bill Cosby

Lesson 192: The Straight and Narrow

Want a straight answer?

     Dad: Do you want to eat out?
     Mama: I don't know, what do you think?
     Dad: It's up to you
     Mama: Deci, do you want to eat out?
     Deci: ... Papa.
     Mama: Where do you want to go?
     Deci: MemeBabyEat (Blanket, Elora, Eat aka Elora is drinking her formula that Mama just gave her)
     Mama: OK, what do you want to eat? (Fully expecting the answer to once again be pizza.)
     Deci: Ball. Nun-Stin. (Ball. Dustin.)

Don't ask your two year-old.

Lesson 191: Teach 'Em Well

My favorite color is green, and everybody knows it. My kitchen is green and will be even more green shortly. Nearly everything I wear is green. And if someone picks something out for me, it is of course green. Today Deci's cousins were over playing and...

Rilian: "What's your favorite color? Mine is red"
Deci: (with confidence and clarity) "Green!"

I'm just so proud.

Lesson 190: What Did She Just Say?

When you are a mommie, you get to say all sorts of strange and odd things. Like:

"Tell her you are sorry; you just Shanghai-ed her with the rug."

Lesson 189: Sharing in Twos

If you must argue over a pair of rain boots, then one of you can wear the right and one of you wear the left. That way everyone is happy! (Though not so dry)

Lesson 188: Naked

It won't be your little boy who is embarrassed when he escapes from the bathroom completely nude while company is over.

Lesson 187: Vick's Part 3

Have poison control on speed dial.

Vick's Part 1

Lesson 186: Vick's Part 2

Vick's does not come out of hair easily; use Dawn.

Vick's Part 1

Lesson 185: Vick's Part 1

Vick's Vapor Rub is not hair gel.

Lesson 184: Salt of the World

Your kitchen will be well seasoned if you leave your two year old alone with the salt shaker for too long.

Lesson 183: Decimation Chex Mix

It is possible to decimate 9 cups of Chex, 2 cups of cheese-its, and 2 cups of Cheerieos in one week. It's called eating Ranch Chex Mix.

Lesson 182: A Special Lession About Family

Late last night Deci's dad started seizing and having speech and breathing problems. He was rushed to the hospital and given medication to stop the seizures. We're still not sure why they were happening, but he'll be in the hospital for a few days for tests and medications.

Today's Special Lesson: This would have been really hard for me if I didn't have an awesome support system of friends and family. Our entire local family (nearly 20 of them) have (or will shortly) come to visit and we haven't even been here for more than 24 hours. I think every last one of our friends and family have offered their support and prayers. I like to believe I am a strong person, but I know that I couldn't do this with out them. There are people to take care of our kids, to take care of our car, to bring us food, to bring us clothes and to bring us all the other necessities we could ever need. And there is a serious prayer wall from all over the place to take care of everything that is out of our hands.  Thank you everyone. Each and every phone call, voicemail, text and facebook message is appreciated. We are very loved and well taken care of and that is something I wouldn't trade for the world.

Lesson 181: Sit Down!

They don't make bottom-to-chair duct tape. Trust me, I've checked.

Lesson 180: Deci's Version of Counting

Without any prompting:
"Un Aker" (One Cracker)
"Ooo Meme" (Two Blankets)
"Fee Arn" (Three Aarons)
"Oar Melmo" (Four Elmos)
"Wize Papa" (Five Papas)
"Ick Poyee" (Six Potties)
"Aehmen Box" (Seven Blocks)
"Eight Inner" (Eight Dinners aka Lunches)
"Non Poon" (Nine Spoons)
"Dead MEME!" (Ten COOKIES!)

Today's Lesson: It's not how you count; it's what you count.

Lesson 179: Yes, It Is Possible

Yes, it is possible to fall asleep sitting up.

Lesson 178: Educational TV

My favorite part of the day.

Lesson 177: Danger, Danger, Will Robison

If you have one cut and bruised foot and one bleeding and sore lip before 9 am, it's time to pull out the padded room.

Lesson 176: Bear Crawling

You are never too young, or too old to bear crawl. Next up? Crab walking!

Lesson 175: For the Music Lover

(From the September edition of Women's Day Magazine)
"Have kids make music play lists that they like. This is perfect for younger kids or those with a hazy sense of time - they'll know that song #3 means they should be dressed and down-stairs. This will help them learn to manage their own time."

Maybe I'll make it to Sunday School again one day...

Lesson 174 From Deci's Great-Grandmother: The Story of the Mush-Coon

I called my mother the other night and she related this story to me amidst many giggles.

My grandparents have been experiencing raccoon problems. It seems that because of a large number of raccoons in the area, some of them have taken to climbing the pole to the bird feeder that my grandfather has just off their back patio. They've tried everything from empty 2 liters on the pole to an air pellet gun to try to dissuade these creatures (and squirrels and other furry beings) from eating the bird food or the birds. It has gotten so bad that now my grandfather even brings in the food at night. Well, one night not too long ago my grandmother wakes up to hearing something scrambling around in the back and decides to get out of bed and send the raccoon away. After standing at the back door shooing him with no response she decides that instead of waking up my grandfather to figure out how the pellet gun works, that she'll find her own ammunition. However, after throwing a few wooden spoons and a potato masher at him the raccoon still doesn't wake up!

Eventually she gives up for the night and goes back to bed. The next morning they call maintenance because the raccoon is still up there. Thinking that maybe he got stuck, but still not wanting to get too close the maintenance guys bring a trash spike and a toilet plunger. Apparently the spike was to nudge him awake, and the plunger was for defense, to croquet him away if he decides to attack. As it turns out, neither were strictly necessary as the raccoon had died in the feeder. 

After telling this story to Deci (and I'm sure he didn't understand half of it) he has started babbling about the "mush-coon" I think this is just Deci-ese, but it sure is appropriate. What else would you call a raccoon you throw a potato masher at?

Lesson 173: Signing Time

If you have some educational videos for your children, make sure to watch through with them somewhere between once and sixty times. Then after watching Signing Time, you'll know that  "garr!" with frantic hand motions around the hair line means "panda" in little boy sign.

Lesson 172: Not Enough Sleep? I Don't Think So!

If you child gets up at 2 am. and sleeps for no more than 20 minutes until you finally give up and get up with him at 7 then you must have gotten too much sleep the rest of the week.

Lesson 171: Distraction

If everyone under the age of 5 in your house is whining, move to a house next to the train tracks. Every time a train goes by, the whiners forget what was wrong and go back to playing again.

Lesson 170: Paper

Paper is a fun and cheap thing to play with. Just don't eat it.

Lesson 169: Recording Devices

To put it in the words of one of my sisters (in-law):

I still think a recorder with several preset buttons is a good idea:

#1- Stop tormenting your brother/sister
#2- Sit down
#3- Leave your brother/sister alone
#4- Do you have to go potty?
#5- Don't hit
#6- Stay put
#7- Stop playing with your food
#8- No that's not yours; give it back
#9- Give it back NOW
#10- No I can't hold you right now
#11- Put it back where you got it
#12- What are you doing!?!?!
#13- Where did you get that?
#14- Good grief, son
#15- Tell brother/sister you are sorry
#16- Go to your dad! (I like # 16 which tag teams with)
#17- Leave mommy alone for 2 minutes
#18- Go sit on the couch, you are in time out
#19- No your time out is not done, sit back down
#20- Turn around, timeout does not involve watching team Umizoomi

#21- Ok already, you can have a cookie
#22- No, you may not have ANOTHER cookie after the two you've already had.

#23- You're ok. Put your feet down.

#24- He's not hurting you

#25- Stop kicking/shoving your brother/cousin. He's not in the way.

#26- Don't sit on him either

#27- Get off his head

#28- Yes, it's a train

#29- No, it's not your train.

#30- It's ______'s turn

#31- Go lay down

#32- Don't touch that

#33- Leave your diaper alone.

#34- Watch what you're doing/where you're going

(and the ever classic) #35 No!

Lesson 168: Five Minutes in Heaven

The first five minutes that your children spend actually playing and laughing together will be heaven. The next five minutes will be spent trying to explain to the older one why his seven month old sister isn't rolling the ball back to him.

Lesson 167: Proud Mamas Just Have to Brag

Deci's first self said prayer (aka not a repeat after me prayer):

"DearGodThankYouForMamaAmen!"

Lesson 166: It's Not Just Me

"Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them." ~James Baldwin

Lesson 165: A Darrell Rant

The other night, we're sitting at my brother and sister in-law's house and Deci and a cousin are sitting at a table not far away talking as only the two of them communicate; in half words and gibberish, completely understanding one another but leaving the rest of us confounded. Another young cousin walks up to his mom (my sister in-law Amanda) and tries to con her out of a cookie. She says "Not on your life Bucko." Then a few minutes later we hear something odd from the other children and Darrell says to his wife, "Now look what you did hon. They've combined 'Bucko' and 'Sucker' to become 'Bucker.' And that's just dangerous."

Tonight's Lesson: Stay away from 'Bucko's and 'Sucker's.

Lesson 164: PapaPapaPapaPapaPapa

If Papa has been gone for a long long time, and you are not all that clear on the 'why,' be certain to make up for the time lost by repeating his name at least sixty times every two minutes the first day he is back. He'll be so happy to see you that he won't even get annoyed!

Lesson 163: Truth

"It's true, I saw it with my own adorable eyes. Mumhum!"
Well said, Grover. Well said.

Anyone else have a Grover in thier house?

Lesson 162: Alternatives 2

When you have a swing set and your kids who are not quite big enough for that swing set have worn out your "my turn, push me now!"s invest in some $1 chalk.

Lesson 161: Alternatives

A good alternative to the traditional naked-kid-in-the-bathtub picture:

Lesson 160: ?????

Elora is sitting on the floor (a feat she is still learning) and Deci walks by and topples her over. I say, "Deci tell Elora you are sorry and give her a kiss!" (Because kissing boo boos makes them all better, of course) He walks over with a particular look on his face, kisses her foot and walks away mumbling something that was a "orry." Now what sort of lesson can you make out of that?

Lesson 159: Games

A  roll of packing tape and an unsharpened pencil make for a great indoor version of the old fashioned game of rolling a hula hoop with a stick. Just watch out for the drummers.

Lesson 158: When the Kids are Playing in the Backyard...

invest in an air pump.

Lesson 157: I'll Give You a Hint; The Answer is Always "C"

You know your child is feeling better when:
     A. His fever drops
     B. He is no longer puking all over the place
     C. He starts talking about basketball

Lessson 156: How to Keep Him Still

How do you keep your 2 year old from running around when he is sick?

Sesame Street and Rubik's Cubes.

Lesson 155: Sweetness

There is almost nothing as sweet as a little voice that says "ank ooo Mommie," when you help him get out toys for his little sister to play with.

Lesson 154: Quirks

Every kid has their own quirks; some hide in closets, some say very few clear words other than "Rabbit!", some just love balls, some call their aunts "Yaya," and some love to bounce.

Lesson 153: Timing

When you decide to get sick, make sure it's when you are going to the doctor the next day anyways.

Lesson 152: The Proper Uses of Moving Materials

When moving, invest in a lot of bubble wrap; not for your breakables but for the kids. Carefully supervised it can save your day and you might just get a box or two unpacked.

Lesson 151: Immobile Balls

Never give your non-crawling kid a ball to play with. Only two outcomes are possible:
1. if mobile kid is awake he will steal said ball and run off to play his own games, or
2. if mobile kid is asleep there is no one but yourself to fetch the ball when the immobile one tosses them thus you get more than your daily workout while trying to do the laundry.

Lesson 150: Peas

No matter the year, age, time or gender, there is a universal response to peas.

Lesson 149: Un-Surprise

Eventually you will cease to make note of how bright-eyed and bushy-tailed your child is when you wake him up at 7:00 am. but you'll have to wait for your own fog to clear first.

Lesson 148: Surprise

It will never fail to surprise you how many things your six month old can 'get into' oh so very adeptly when they can't keep a hold of their favorite toys for more than a few minutes when you are doing the dishes.

Lesson 147: Sharing with the Right Person

Only share your treasures with someone who isn't interested or can't have them yet. Example: Lovingly share your Cheerios with the baby who isn't eating sold food yet. This way you fulfill your daily regiment of sharing, but don't actually have to share anything.

Excuses, Excuses

So you may have noticed that I've fallen away from the blog...again. This time for more life events. My hubby is director of our church's VBS and in the next week or two we are moving from our apartment to our first house. Wish us luck! As soon as we are moved the blog will hopefully start again!

Lesson 146: Floor Level Nutrition

Cheerios taste better (and have more nutrients!) when eaten off the floor. Promptly dump out all bowls of cereal onto the floor. The more scatter there is, the better they taste.

Lesson 145: Mr. Mimmicky

Apparently when I find something that Deci has drawn on I say "Oh Boy" and with my hand on my hip heave a great sigh. Or at least that's what Deci did when he thought someone had colored on the big orange ball in the nursery...


Today's Lesson: Make sure anything you do can be translated into child-ese in an adorable-make-everyone-grin sort of way. It makes for great facebook posts.

Lesson 144: Counting Calories

Once upon a time there was a little boy playing in the nursery at his church. His mommy had just given him the most delightful cookie and then she sat down to feed his sister. However, this little boy had a problem: How can he get a drink when this delicious cookie makes him so thirsty? He knew Mommy liked him to keep his cookie at the table and not to scatter crumbs all over the nursery, and he knew his sippy cup was in the crib across the room, but he was too small to get it out of the crib, and Mommy was feeding Sister. Whatever shall this little boy do? Ah, but he's a clever one, this little boy. He eats a few bites of his cookie, carefully sets it down at the table so as not to leave crumbs, and then runs quickly (so his thirst didn't overwhelm him) to the crib where he pulls the sippy cup of water to the edge and drinks through the bars. Thirst quenched, he realizes he has left that delectable cookie at the table, and quickly returns to start the process all over again. Again and again he runs back and forth not noticing the very amused look on Mommy's face. What a clever little boy.

Today's Lesson: Run while eating; it saves calories.

Lesson 143 From Elora: Rolling Over

Once they start rolling over, they won't stop and diapering becomes a two person sport.

Lesson 142: Backup

If all else fails break out the Oops All Berries Captain Crunch. Resistance is futile.

Lesson 141: Attention Part 2!

Attention Part 1

It's even better if you can get your cousin to join in with the yelling out the window. Especially when his mom happens to be Aunt Yaya.

Lesson 140: Attention!

If Mama stops answering to "Moooooom!" and Papa no longer responds to "Papapapapapapa!" turn to your next trusty alternative: Aunt Yaya.

Simply yell "YAYA!" out the window until it echos off the courtyard walls. She's sure to hear you, even though her windows are closed and the air conditioning is on.

Attention Part 2

Lesson 139: How To Share Without Sharing

When Mama says, "Boys share your food, it's for both of you" take your bowl of cereal and dump it into your cousin's bowl. Then because he's been told to share too, he'll take his and dump all of it in your bowl. Thus you have shared but still ended up with all of the cereal!

Lesson 138: Ramen

Ramen noodles are fun to fling on the floor, but not so much fun to pick up.

Lesson 137: What Every Mother Wants to Hear

Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Proverbs 22:6

It's not a prophecy or a promise but a proverb. Sometimes I worry that we are being to harsh and expecting too much out of Deci. We've worked hard to show him how to behave and care for others especially with saying "please" and "thank you." Sometimes it seems like we've made little to no progress on the matter, and that he's just too young to understand. However, on Sunday I was given the high praise that he was such a well behaved, polite little boy, and a joy to have. It's a small thing, but I am so very proud of him!

Lesson 136: Again!

To find out how many times your child will want to do something over and over simply take their age and ad a 0. Then square it.

So: 1 year old = 10*10= Repeat action 100 times,
      2 year old = 20*20= Repeat action 400 times
      3 year old .....

Lesson 135 From A Few Local Princesses: Princess Day Out Results

Too much hair-doing, nail-painting, picture-taking, story-hearing and cookie-eating makes for several adorable little zombies.

"Hi, what's your name?"
*Blank stare*

"Well here is your snack, did you have fun today?"
*Blank stare* 

"What story would you like to hear? We have Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, The Three Little Pigs, and Rumpelstiltskin."
*Blank stare*

"Is your cookie good?"
*Blank stare*

"Would you like another one?"
"Yes!"

Lesson 134: How to Drive Mom Crazy in 10 Minutes Free Trial for just $19.99!

DECI: "MOOOOOOM!"

MAMA: *coming back into the living room for the umpteenth time* "What Deci?"

DECI: "Cars" *pointing to the TV to show he's watching Cars*

MAMA: "Yes Deci I know, I put the movie in for you remember?"

DECI: "Oh."

Ten minutes later...

DECI: "MOOOOOOM!"

MAMA: *coming back into the living room for the umpteenth and one time* "What Deci?"

DECI: "Baby" *pointing to Elora playing on the floor*

MAMA: "Yes Deci I know, something about giving birth gave away that one"

DECI: "Oh yah"


Today's Lesson From Deci: Point out the obvious, just in case.

Lesson 133: Pockets

Do not, under any circumstances, what so ever, teach your little boy about his pockets. It will be cute the first day when he insists on keeping his matchbox cars in them and even still cute the second day when you have to explain that he can't take the entire gravel parking lot in his pockets. But on the third day when Dad's keys mysteriously disappear and then you finally find them along with a spider in your son's shorts, it is just not so cute anymore.

Lesson 132: Garage Sales

When you decide to go garage sailing, make sure that your kid has not taken his shoes off every time you get out of the car. Otherwise you might set an entire garage of people laughing at you and the faces your son is making while sanding on the wet gravel in his stocking feet.

Lesson 131: Entertainment is Cheap

Put your little squares for your fabric project in a baggie and conveniently leave an extra bag on the table with the leftover scraps. See what you little one learns by mimicking you.

Lesson 130 From Deci, Elora and Their Cousins: The Great Underminer

Me: "Roran don't throw the ball on the Baby"
Roran: "Arrrg!"
Rilian: "No, Roran, No!"
Elora:*Giggle Giggle Giggle*


*5 Minutes later*
Me: "Deci be careful of the Baby!"
Deci: "Mama?"
Me: "Yes, Deci?"
Deci: "Baby."
Rilian: " No, Deci, No!"
Elora:*Giggle Giggle Giggle*

Today's Lesson: If it isn't hurting anyone let it be. Or the Baby's giggles will totally undermine your authority.

Lesson 129: Wearing Out Your Kids

Jumping on a couch all morning means good naps all afternoon.

Lesson 128: Bonnets

Not properly fitting Easter bonnet + Elora = Unhappiness

Lesson 127: Riding a Bike

Teaching your child to ride a bike, is not as easy as they make it look.

Lesson 126: Mimicking

He will mimic everything you do.

Lesson 125: Mommy Dearest

There is a nurturer in all of us.

Lesson 124: Storage

When putting away toys, be sure to open all flaps, doors, compartments, seats, closets and other small items holders. Cereal can find its way anywhere.

Lesson 123: Daddy's Stereo

Shoving Kicks under Daddy's stereo is maybe not the best way to digest them.

Lesson 122 From Deci's Cousin: Sharing

It maybe hard to share toys. It may be hard to share food. But once you realize that you are not supposed to drink out of your cousin's cup, it's absolutely adorable to bring it to him instead. And if he's like Deci, he'll say "Eank Ooo" (Thank You) all 600 times.

Lesson 121: Highchairs

At a certain age there becomes something to highchairs. They become the place to make a mess. Suddenly eating at a "big boy" table means your little boy makes about 80% less mess.

Lesson 120: Potty Training

According to the Pullups Potty Dance DVD: "Watch out for zippers." Apparently this is hysterical for a 2 year old. Deci laughs every time.

Lesson 119: From Deci and his Cousins: Motivations

Rilian: "ewo egg!" (yellow egg)

Deci: "Bawl!"

Roran: *swipes egg and runs off maniacally laughing*

Deci and Rilian: "Noooooo!"

Today's Lesson: Everyone has their own plan.

Lesson 118: Easter Eggs

Apparently procrastinating on putting away the Easter stuff was a good idea. The plastic Easter eggs still running around the house have given us hours of entertainment.

Lesson 117: Freud

Past behavior is not always a good indicator of future behavior. Just because the kid takes a toy drill to baby doll's head, doesn't mean he'll be a bad father.... hopefully.

Lesson 116: Essential Parenting Key #1

Be more stubborn than your kids.

Lesson 115 From Elora: Ears

Books tell you that a kid pulling on their ear means they have an ear infection. However this is not always true, sometimes it is because the music is too loud or the family is singing a particularly off pitch rendition of Happy Birthday. In Elora's case it is usually because brother found Daddy's drum sticks or just because she's stressed out that the food is not coming fast enough.

Lesson 114: Rewriting

Annoying kid song stuck in your head? Make it your ring tone, or better yet rewrite the words so everyone can hear the joy of such a song.
The Orriginal Yeti Song
or my re-write:

Jump, jump, jump,

We're jumping that Deci jump,

     (Deci Deci Deci)

Jump jump thump,

We're jumping that Deci thump!

Lesson 113: Body Bowling

Body Bowling really takes it outta ya.

Lesson 112: Remotes

Remotes make wonderful play phones, and they can't dial China.

Lesson 111: For Me?

Mama must have bought these new hair ties for me! (Even though she's the only one in the house who's hair is longer than two inches)

Lesson 110: Dinosaurs

Beware of teaching your little boys that their toy dinosaurs say "roar." You just might face an hour and a half of "warrrr!"s.

Lesson 109: Career Change

Someone could make a lot of money majoring in a new music genre: Kid Songs That Don't Make Mommy Batty.

Lesson 108: Television

When you realize that your pizza smattered kid, who hasn't had his hair combed since Sunday is watching a television show where all of the kids are big eyed, perfectly groomed cute things with matching moms who never have a hair out of place, just remember that if you or your child were on one of those shows, you would make sure you were both bathed and properly groomed too. And besides, she's not a real mom, she's dancing to the kid songs in heels.

Lesson 107: Cooking

Toddler wants to be held while you are trying to make dinner? Give him his own pot or pan and a spoon. The neighbors may not be to happy, but your husband will be when dinner is ready.

Lesson 106: Sign Language

Turning on the TV so your toddler will sit still to have his fingernails cut is a good idea. However, choosing the DVD teaching sing language is not such a good idea.

Lesson 105: Coughing

Beware changing diapers when your kid has a cough. Coughing usually induces other bodily functions.

Lesson 104: The Potty Dance

The Pull Ups Potty Dance is wearing after the fiftieth play, but you start tuning it out by the seventy fourth.

Lesson 103: Easter Clothes

Got some boys to sew/shop for for Easter? Can't find anything other than pastels? Try purple. Apparently it counts as a manly color on Easter.

Lesson 102: Profile Pictures

Posting a picture on facebook or myspace of just your kids for your profile picture, kinda defeats the purpose of a profile picture. So post one with your kids and yourself. It's crazy hard when they're little, but definetely worth it!

Lesson 101 From Deci's Cousin: Sleep

When you sleep, sleep hard. Hard enough to fall off the couch and not even notice.

Lesson 100: Conversation

If Mama can't understand you, tell it to your stuffed dog. He won't respond, but at least he'll look at you sympathetically and play you a happy up-beat song.


In celebration of our 100th Lesson, I've added a new page. It's called Translations, up there at the top of your screen. Go check it out!

Lesson 99: Fashion

Hairbands look good on almost anyone.

Lesson 98: Mooching

The most effective way to mooch is to be a commuting mooch. Ask Mama for a bite of her cake, then go find Dad and talk him into some of his ice cream. Promptly return to Mama for some more of her cake and continue. If you become professional at this, you may be able to even add whatever Aunt Anda and Grandpa are eating to your rotation to ensure that you get more dessert than anyone else.

Lesson 97: Technology

Humans are instinctively drawn towards technology and gadgets. Even toddlers will swipe a cell phone or try to type on Daddy's computer when given the chance.

Lesson 96: Boo Boos

Don't promise a red bandaid when you haven't yet opened it's wrapper. They can be very decieving.

Lesson 95: Owies

No matter how hard you try, your kids will still get hurt at some point. They're just that persistent.

Lesson 94: Pretending to Sleep

My mom teases me about how while some kids take a blanket or stuffed animal to bed, I took books. What she didn't know was that after she tucked me in and turned off the lights I spent many hours reading under the covers by flashlight.
Now I just tucked my son in with his favorite blanket and a bowling ball. What exactly is he doing after hours?

Today's Lesson: Everybody is unique.

Lesson 93: Bowling

Body bowling is almost as fun as jumping into a pile of leaves.

Lesson 92: Deoderint

When your son is saying "ell, ell, ell!" he's not contemplating the wages of sin. Check that you put on deodorant today.

Lesson 91: Procrastinating...Again

If you are waaaaay behind on a certain household chore, invite over your nephews.

Mom's everywhere will disagree, but this actually, truly does work for me! I suffer from sever procrastination and so on a normal day when Deci goes down to sleep all I do is sit and relax watching TV or reading. But on Wednesdays we have two nephews over; which means I have four kids instead of my normal two. And these kids don't nap well in the same bedroom together, so in our tiny apartment one goes in each room, one in the living room and Elora in her swing in the kitchen. (If we have any more kids they'll be sleeping in the only room left, the bathroom!) But now I have to be extra careful not to wake them because of course that will wake the rest of them. So I can't watch TV, and the only couch in the apartment is taken up by a sleeper so reading won't work so well either. Which leaves me laundry and dishes. The banes of my existence. Suddenly all the clothes in our house are folded and the dishes are clean.

Lesson 90: Dishes

You know you need to do the dishes when:
A. Your son has no clean sippy cups
B. Your entire counter is full of the dirty ones.
C. Every time your husband comes in the kitchen door he sighs
D. All of the above

Lesson 89 From Rilian: Speech

Rilian, one of my nephews, is an adorable little boy. He has had a few speech delays but as of recently has made huge strides in speech. However it is still a challenge to understand him sometimes. His mom, my sister in-law, posted this yesterday.

Rilian: "mom, can I have apple (unintelligible finish to sentence.)"

Rilian's Mom: "You want an apple?"
Rilian:" No. Apple (unintelligible finish.)"
Rilian's Mom: "do you want applesauce?"
Rilian: "no. Yes. apple (unintelligible finish.)"
Rilian's Mom: "We don't have any applesauce. Can you show me what you want?"
Rilian: "No. Yes." runs away.

10 minutes later....

Rilian: "Apple (unintelligible finish)?
Rilian's Mom: "Apple sauce?... oh, apple STRAWS
Rilian: "YES!!!!!!!!"

Amanda's Original Post

Today's Lesson from Rilian: You could make a lot of money going into the kiddie translation business.

Lesson 88: Batteries

Batteries will last the longest if kept in the most annoying noisy toy you can find.

Lesson 87: Laundry

Don't leave your dryer door open.

Lesson 86 From Elora: Diaperbags

Your diaper bag should contain all the normal things: diapers, wipes, a change of clothes for the kid, snacks, medicines, sippy cups, and bibs.

But most importantly don't forget to pack a change of clothes for you. You know the one time you can't change will be the time your infant spits up after a meal and hits everything you are wearing.... all the way down to your socks.

Lesson 85: Playing Night Night

When pretending to sleep, don't choose a comfy service to be your bed. You might accidentally fall asleep.

Lesson 84: Greetings Part 2

So after I've finally learned my Lesson 83: Greetings Part 1, I figure I'll get smart and greet Rilian right away. As usual I have forgotten something essential though, so our entrances look more like this:

(MAMA enters with kids, removing coats)
AMANDA: Hi
(DECI runs in and immediately swipes something such as a sippy cup or toy)




MAMA: Hola! Hi Rilian!Hi Roran! So did you know that we are....(blah blah blah normal adult conversation continues)

RILIAN: Hi Nie Nie!
RILIAN: (in pleasant upbeat happy to see you voice) Hi Essie! Hi Essie! Hi Essie!
DECI: Hi


RILIAN: (in same voice) Hi Worwa! Hi Worwa! Hi Worwa!
MAMA: and then......blah blah blah.....blah blah blah....
RILIAN: (in same voice, but progressively getting louder) Hi Worwa! Hi Worwa! Hi Worwa!
AMANDA: Well for dinner I'm making.....yada yada yada... blah blah blah....
RILIAN: (louder) Hi Worwa! Hi Worwa! Hi Worwa!


MAMA AKA ELORA'S SPOKES VOICE: Hi Rilian.
(silence, RILIAN grins)

Today's Lesson from Rilian: Persistently greet everyone; be sure leave no man, woman, child, or baby out.

Lesson 83: Greetings Part 1

When I take Deci next door to my sister in-law's house, our entrance looks kind of like this:

(MAMA and DECI enter, removing coats)

AMANDA: Hi

(DECI runs in and immediately swipes something such as a sippy cup or toy)

MAMA: Hola! Hi guys! So did you know that we are....(blah blah blah normal adult conversation continues)

Meanwhile....

RILIAN: (in pleasant upbeat happy to see you voice) Hi Essie! Hi Essie! Hi Essie!

DECI: Hi

RILIAN: (in same voice) Hi Nie Nie! Hi Nie Nie! Hi Nie Nie!

MAMA: and then......blah blah blah.....blah blah blah....

RILIAN: (in same voice, but progressively getting louder) Hi Nie Nie! Hi Nie Nie! Hi Nie Nie!

AMANDA: Well for dinner I'm making.....yada yada yada... blah blah blah....

RILIAN: (louder) Hi Nie Nie! Hi Nie Nie! Hi Nie Nie!

MAMA: Hi Rilian.

(silence, RILIAN grins)



Today's Lesson fro Rilian: Be Persistent

Lesson 82: Groceries

Put your groceries away ASAP.

Lesson 81: Lucky

Occasionally you get lucky and your second child will sleep through your first and his harmonica.
Occasionally you get lucky and your second child will sleep through your first child and his blocks.
Occasionally you get lucky and your second child will sleep through your first child dancing and singing...

But not usually.

Lesson 80: Quiet Time

Books and blocks are good for when the baby is sleeping, but not so good once the toddler finds out he can stack and knock over them.

Lesson 79: How to Play Mommy

1. Find Mama's metal bracelet with the little charms and call it your "eeys"
2. Hijack Mama's bank card
3. Parade around the house with a dishrag "eening"
4. Say "No!" a lot

Lesson 78: Traveling

No matter how well you plan, and how many books you bring for a six hour car ride, you are still bound to have your young children crying at the same time. It's Murphy's Mommy Law.

Lesson 77: Baby Swings

When Mama gets a new swing for baby sister, Deci gets a new toy bin.

Lesson 76: Highchairs

Highchairs with wheels are great entertainments for little bodies who like to push them. But if you are a pillow on the floor and in the way: beware! And expect to get a good "talking too" in toddler-ese!

Lesson 75 From Deci and Cousins: Monkies Jumping on the Bed

A long silence and then giggling is not a good sign when you realize all three little boys have disappeared into one of their bedrooms.

Lesson 74: Rice

Rice will without fail attach to a toddlers behind when at someone else's house. That is, until they leave the table and track it all over your sister in-law's house.

Lesson 73: Kisses

Deci loves to show affection, especially kissing and hugging, so I decided to teach him how to be a gentleman and kiss the back of girls hands. (Plus as an added perk I can add that to his line of performing monkey tricks!) So I show him how to do it, kissing his hand and then he mimics me and kisses my hand several adorable times.

Then I get a great idea. I suggest he try it on his baby sister. So with lots of coaching and "be gentle, Deci"-ing he walks over to her. But instead of grasping her hand and kissing it, he puts the back of his own hand to her mouth and says "mmmwah!" as if she was kissing him.

So Today's Lesson from Deci: You can't choose the tricks your little monkey performs.

Lesson 72 From Elora: Baby Formula

Infant + Bouncy Seat = Sleep
Infant + Rocking = Sleep
Infant + Bassenette = Sleep
Infant + Grandma = Sleep

Infant + Daddy = Play time!
Infant + Mama = Lunch!

Big Changes in Deci Land

We are pleased to announce that Deci is no longer an only child! His sister Elora was born this past week and is a healthy and happy little girl. Hopefully I will resume posting here in a few days so you can look forward to more Lessons from Deci and maybe even a few from Sister!

Lesson 71: Sickness

Everyone likes to have their Mama when they're sick.

Lesson 70 From Baby: Walking

Mom was right - for some people walking slows labor. They should just sit on their bums all day and do nothing.

Lesson 69: Basketball Blocks

Playing basketball with your Mega Blocks doesn't work so well.

Lesson 68: Drills

Don't get your toddler a toy drill for Christmas. Once he figures out what it does he'll feel the need to "fix" everything in the house including the fridge, the door, the floor and your foot.

Lesson 67: Dancing

It's hard not to smile at the happy Blue's Clues dance. Perfect remedy to a bad day.

Lesson 66: Toys

Some toys are just more fun if they are sideways or upside down. Take T-Rex for example...

Lesson 65: Morning Bawl

The most effective way to wake up Mama is not to cry, or even call her name. It's to say "Bawl" over and over and over until she gets fed up and brings you one. Then you can throw it and say "bawl" again so she'll play with you.

Lesson 64: Beads for Books

Want to spend a few minutes perusing the books in a store? Wear beads on your shirt or a really sturdy bead necklace. The hunched over-reading a book pose is perfect to make the beads swing and entertain your toddler through at least a few pages of your favorite new book.

Lesson 56: Counting

Counting in order is over rated.

Lesson 63: M&Ms

They may "melt in your mouth, not in your hand" but if you don't swallow them afterwords, your chin will still turn blue.